If we discovered that we had only five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them. - Christopher Morley

Oh how true I find this quote. There are many kinds of love: God's love, love of friends, love between parent and child, romantic love, love of the beach. I've thought about love a lot lately.

I've thought about how so many times, I have failed to be grateful for the blessings in my life.
I've thought about how I have judged others too quickly.
I've thought about how consumed I have become before about stupid, petty, superficial things.

And how none of that seemed to matter the afternoon of January 28th.

I've thought recently about how fragile life is. How anyone's next moment could be their last. But we often just don't think about the fact that none of us are promised tomorrow.

Of course, I am only human. I wish I could say I had stopped all these negative behaviors since then. It certainly brings things back into perspective though, and makes me determined to work on them as best I can.

One of my friends told me a story about a friend of hers that lost one of her best friends in college I believe, in a car accident. Ever since then, she tells everyone on the phone before she hangs up that she loves them. This has become quite complicated with her dating relationships! But losing someone you love does make you realize what's important and what's not, and how important it is to love.

I think it's a category many of us have fallen into. You get comfortable. Of course you hear of horrible tragedies, and your heart breaks.
But it's not something that will happen to MY family or MY friends. Even with Evan being in a war zone, even with my constant worry and fear, I am still in total and utter shock that it happened. Not to my family.

I am also somewhat of a stranger to the idea of being "positive". Of course, I think we would all say we would LIKE to be positive, in theory. But sometimes it's not that easy, especially when it's become a habit. I have a horrible habit of always fearing and thinking the worst. They say most of the things that we worry about never happen. I can't remember the exact percentage.

But I can't continue to live my life in fear.

I believe that by worrying, I do not gain a single benefit, and it does me no good. It actually is harmful to my mental and emotional well-being. Worry gets me absolutely nowhere. Do I want to look back on my life in 10, 20, 30 years and realize that I spent the majority of it worrying about things that didn't happen? This is something I am determined to work on.

There are many things that hold us back. Fear of failure, fear of rejection. Focusing so much on the past, past relationships, failures, mistakes-and not on the present and moving into the future. I think all of us have been guilty of this at one point or another. There's a saying called "Be Present". It's pretty self-explanatory what that means. If we continually focus on the past, and what we don't have...then we are going to miss out on what we do have.

I will close with a Rob Bell quote, one of my favorites, from the Nooma series, "Matthew". It's on you tube, if anyone is interested in looking it up.

"I do know that you and I have choices about the kinds of people we are and the kind of people we're becoming. We have a choice whether or not we're going to become bitter. A man named Job in the scriptures loses everything, children, houses, possessions, and his wife says, 'Are you still holding onto your integrity? Curse God and die.' She becomes consumed with her bitterness. If we don't acknowledge this choice, if we let a little bitterness in, it will take over. It seeps in and becomes part of us, and we're not even aware of it. Don't let it happen. There's this ancient psalm where the writer says to God, 'You've made me see troubles, many and bitter, but you will restore me again.'

It's easy when we suffer loss for whatever it is we lost to become the center of our life. We had them and now they're gone, and so there's this giant hole where they once were and it becomes all we can think about. And what happens in the process is our whole life becomes what we don't have and we miss out on what we do have. Your heart-my heart-it will recover. It will never be the same again, but we will recover. The first Christians spoke about a day in the future when God would restore everything-you, me, everything in heaven and on Earth. I find great hope in that.

So may you make the choice not to become bitter and closed, but open. And may you realize that God is sitting with you, fully present, grieving your loss, but also restoring. And in that, may we find HOPE."